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I don’t write

August 15, 2014 1:05am

I have a lot of thoughts
And I have a lot of feelings

They seem to hit me most at times like this
After midnight

The world is quiet
And my brain misses the memo
That this is the time “normal” people are resting
So it decides to be the most active
After midnight

So thoughts come in
But they have no way to go out
But my brain
The memo misser
Doesn’t let “normal” hinder it
It keeps going

I think
And I think
Then I think about how much I’m thinking
Then I’m overthinking
And then I’m over thinking
So I think about stopping
But I just don’t think I can

Sometimes I internalize
Sometimes I process outwardly
Praying
Journaling
Talking to friends
Talking to myself

But more often than not
I won’t write about it
The deepest thoughts in the chambers of my mind
Stay locked
They remain as abstract ideas
Things I could write about

But it’s not because I don’t like to write
I do
I mean, I’m writing something now

I used to write a lot of things
Songs, reflections, poems
But now I don’t as much
Why not?
I don’t think I know how to be a good writer

Sure, I know God hears my prayers
But when it comes to anything besides that
I feel like no one would listen to what I have to say

Maybe I’m not good at writing
Maybe I write the wrong things
The wrong way
The wrong time

I share it with too many people?
Or not enough

What’s the point of writing
Poems, lyrics, songs, stories, reflections, whatever
If no one hears them or reads them

If a tree falls in the forest…

And no one is around to hear it

Does it make a sound at all?

If I write
If I speak
If I sing
And no one is around to hear it

What’s the point?
Do I make a sound at all?
Does anyone hear it?

Anyone?

I do.

I read it,
I hear it.

Maybe that’s enough to get me to start writing things again

But I don’t write.

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